Nathan Drake and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
by thisstorywillsuck
Summary: The critical scenes of Raiders of the Lost Ark are reimagined with Nathan Drake (Uncharted) in the lead role. Does Drake have what it takes to survive the same obstacles that Indiana Jones overcame?


"The temple's just up ahead," Nathan Drake said to his three companions as he struggled through the thick, South American jungle.

Behind him, he could hear two of the men whispering to each other in their native Quechuan. The third native, Satipo, was walking nearby Drake.

"Can you hear what they're saying, Satipo?" Drake asked.

"No, Señor," he responded in a whisper. "But I suspect they want the idol for themselves."

"I don't think so," Drake muttered as they reached the entrance. "They still need me to get them through the temple. They have no reason to double cross me now. I think-" he was cut off by the sound of a pistol cocking behind him. Drake and Satipo put their hands in the air and turned around. "But I've been wrong before," Drake said as they faced the two armed men.

"Throw us your pistols," Barranca ordered.

"You just couldn't wait to stab me in the back, could you?" Drake asked as he dropped his weapon to the ground. "Did you forget that you need me to navigate the temple?"

"We will do better than some gringo who has read a few books," Barranca spat.

"Wait," Hastu, the other double-crossing Native said. "You two go into the temple first. Maybe you two can trigger a couple of booby traps on your way in."

"You heard him," Barranca said, jabbing Drake with his pistol. "Get walking."

The two prisoners walked into the door of the temple. Nate looked ahead and saw a stone hallway overrun by cobwebs and moss. The hallway was almost completely bare except for a small section where a bit of light touched the right wall.

"Any ideas?" Satipo asked Drake.

"I'm figuring this one out as I go along," Drake said, looking back to see if the other men were listening. "Ok," he continued. "Keep walking down the hallway but stay left and don't step into the light. I'll be right behind you. And try to walk casually."

"Dios mio," Satipo whispered as he walked forward.

Drake followed closely behind, trying to avoid the light inconspicuously. He glanced over his shoulder as he past the lit section of wall, hoping that one or both of the armed men would trigger the trap. He swore under his breath when he saw that Barranca had avoided the light as well. Then, he noticed that Hastu was moving more slowly. He was less confident, checking the entrance over his shoulder every couple of seconds.

"Barranca," Nate said, turning around, "you gotta tell Hastu to hurry up. If you want me to get you through this alive, we can't have this guy dragging his feet."

"Don't worry about him. He's just checking for traps. Like you should be doing."

"No he's not. He just can't stop looking over his shoulder because he's afraid."

"Shut your mouth," Hastu said.

"Oh, sorry," Drake said sarcastically. "I didn't mean to offend the honor of a back-stabbing coward."

Hastu advanced across the hallway, aiming his gun at Nate's legs. "Let's see how well you navigate when you have a bullet in your kneecap, you gringo piece of-" Hastu never had a chance to finish his insult. As he stepped into the light, spikes leapt from the wall and skewered him.

Barranca turned his head to see the source of the noise and Drake seized the opportunity. Nate grabbed Barranca's wrist and directed the pistol upward. In his panic, Barranca pulled the trigger, accidentally unloading a shot into his own head.

Nate stepped back and took a deep breath as Barranca's body hit the ground. The spikes from the wall drew back, dragging Hastu's corpse with them.

"Madre de Dios," Satipo sighed. "That was fast."

"Yeah," Drake muttered. "At least they went out quickly."

"Quicker than those bastards deserved," Satipo said, spitting on Barranca's corpse.

"Let's go," Drake said, continuing down the hallway. "We're not out of the woods, yet."

The two turned a corner to see another corridor. This one, however, had a twelve-foot pit in the center. Drake walked over to the edge and kicked a rock into the darkness below. They never heard it hit the ground.

"Of course," Drake said. "Why wouldn't it be bottomless? That's just great."

"It's a little far to jump," Satipo said. "Maybe if you had a whip or something you could attach it to the top of the hallway and swing across."

"Who the hell would carry a whip with them when they were hunting for treasure? How could that come in handy?"

"Just thinking out loud, Señor."

"Well, I think these vines on the walls are strong enough that we can climb across."

"We?"

Nate looked back at Satipo and sighed. "Fine. Wait here. I'll be back with the idol."

Nate grabbed onto the thick Amazonian foliage along the left wall and eased his body over the bottomless pit. Carefully, he moved across the wall. Suddenly, the branch in his right hand broke loose.

"Oh, crap!" he yelled as the branch fell into the darkness. He clenched the vine in his left hand and struggled to keep his balance.

"Are you alright, Señor?"

"Yeah, Satipo," Drake said, gasping for air. "I'm doing just fine. Just another day at the office, I guess."

Drake continued along the wall, carefully choosing which plants to trust with his weight. Finally, he swung his body to the right and landed on the other side of the pit.

"Qué impresionante," Satipo declared.

"I'll be back," Drake responded.

"What should I do if you're not back in ten minutes?"

"What do you mean, 'what should I do'? Do you have a date or something?

"No need to be nervous, Señor."

"Well, your faith in me is touching, Satipo. Tell you what, if I'm not back in ten minutes, just wait longer. That work?" Nate continued to walk through the corridor and muttered to himself, "Man, I really have to start doing a better job of vetting the people I work with."

At last, Nathan entered the main room of the temple. The idol sat on a pedestal at the far end of the room.

"Ok," he said, scanning the floor. "Probably have to avoid stepping on the tiles." Drake delicately hopped across the floor toward the idol. "Doesn't seem like they'd trigger more spikes," he said to himself as he crossed the booby-trapped floor. "Maybe the floor will collapse if I step on one. But why would anybody design a temple like that?"

"Probably arrows," Drake panted as he approached the small set of stairs leading to the idol. "And hey, the way my luck's been going, they'll probably be poison-tipped arrows for good measure."

At last, he reached the idol. Drake laughed out loud as he grabbed the idol off of the pedestal. "Piece of cake," he chuckled.

Suddenly, the pedestal began to recede into the floor of the temple.

"Not good," Nathan said in a panic. Quickly he placed the idol back on the pedestal. "See? You can have it back!" he yelled to the air. The pedestal continued to recede into the ground. "Alright, that's not gonna work," he muttered, picking up the idol again.

Drake turned around to make his escape when the temple began to collapse around him. A chunk of stone landed near him and he fell to the ground. His elbow landed on a tile and a pair of arrows zipped past him within an inch of his head.

"What do you know?" Drake yelled. "It was arrows!"

He forced himself to his feet and saw that the collapsing temple had knocked loose some vines above him. "Here goes nothing," he yelled as he lunged forward, grabbed a vine and swung over the tiles below him.

Drake took off down the corridor as stones collapsed all around him. Up ahead, he could see Satipo waiting on the other side of the pit.

"Do you have it?" Satipo yelled over the sound of the temple caving in.

"Yeah but the whole place is coming down! There's no time for me to climb over. I gotta jump but I need you to reach out and grab my hand. I don't know if I can make it on my own."

"Throw me the idol!"

"What?"

"I can't catch you while you're holding it! Come on, Señor, there's no time to argue!"

Nate hesitated for a second but then flung the idol over the pit. Satipo caught it in his arms, looked back, and smiled.

"Adiós, Señor," he called out as he sprinted away with the treasure.

"Goddammit, Satipo!" Nate yelled. "Jesus, I really do have to find some more reliable co-workers."

Behind him, Nate could see the hallway gradually falling apart. Soon, he would be buried beneath the stone.

"Ok, Nate," he said to himself. "You can do this. You've made jumps like this before. This couldn't be more than 12 feet... I hope." He looked over his shoulder at the collapsing hallway one last time before yelling and throwing himself over the edge.

Drake grunted in pain as his upper body landed on the far edge of the pit. Before the weight of his legs could pull him into the abyss, he dragged himself onto the ledge. When he was on his feet, he took off down the corridor.

As he rounded another corner, he saw Satipo. In his haste to escape, he had forgotten to avoid the light-activated booby trap. Drake approached the fresh corpse and saw the icon at its feet.

"Quicker than you deserved, you bastard," Drake said before picking up the icon and continuing down the hallway.

"Alright!" Drake yelled. "I'm almost out of here!"

Suddenly, he heard a rumbling behind him. From above, an enormous boulder fell into the corridor and began to roll after him.

"Ah, you've gotta be kidding me!" he screamed, redoubling his pace.

The boulder was gaining on him, but a small exit was just ahead.

"Come on, Nate," he urged himself. "Come on."

Just before the boulder was upon him, he dove for the sunshine gleaming through a hole in the wall. He heard the boulder come to a stop behind him as he rolled into the dirt of the Amazon Forest.

Nathan allowed himself a second of exhausted laughter before saying, "Thank god." His laughter was cut short when he realized he was surrounded by a group of Native warriors holding spears and bows.

Amongst the crowd of Natives was a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes who smiled proudly at Nate.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Drake," the man said in a German accent. "It seems you have chosen your friends poorly."

"You know, something, Belloq?" Drake sighed. "I actually agree with you for once."

"A shame you don't speak Hovito. Then you might've had these men on your side," he said, gesturing to the Natives. "Now hand over the idol."

"You think the Hovito are here to help you steal the idol?" Drake asked in disbelief.

"Enough stalling," Belloq said. "Give it to me."

Drake smiled as he held up the idol. "Looks like you don't know these people as well as you thought you did."

"What does it matter?"

"What matters is that, for the Hovito, that idol contains the spirit of the God of Pestilence."

"Good for them," Belloq said as he grabbed the idol from Drake's hand.

"And the Hovito have a legend," Drake continued, "saying that strange men with light-skin, light-hair, and light-eyes will come to their jungle." Belloq's brow furrowed in confusion as he suddenly became aware that the Native warriors all had their eyes on Belloq. "And when one of these strange men holds the idol, the God of Pestilence will enter his body and unleash anarchy upon the Earth. The Hovito can only save their people by sacrificing that strange, white man before he becomes the God of Pestilence."

"These people wouldn't touch me," Belloq said with his fingers wrapped around the idol. "I have earned their trust."

"Do you think so?" Drake asked with a grin on his face. The two of them were silent for a moment before Drake through his hands in the air and yelled in Hovito, "Oh, God of Pestilence! Accept your true form!"

The Natives sprung into action, descending upon Belloq with spears. Nathan rolled out of the way of the Hovito warriors who tore into the screaming German. Drake got to his feet and took off into the jungle, abandoning the idol and Belloq.

"Alright, Nate! Just get to the plane and then you're out of this mess!" Suddenly, an arrow landed in the tree next to him. "Oh, come on! You guys don't need to sacrifice me, too! That's not even in the legend!"

The cries of the Natives were close as Nate darted between the trees, ducking arrows and spears.

Up ahead, he could see the river where the sea-plane was parked. Victor Sullivan was sitting on the wing, smoking a cigar.

Nate began to scream, "Sully! Sully, start the plane! Start the damn plane!"

He could see Sully rise to his feet and shield his eyes from the sun.

"Oh, come on, old man! Don't tell me you left your glasses at home!"

When he could see the Hovito, Sullivan leapt into the pilot's seat and began to turn on the engine. The plane slowly began to run downstream as its rotors revved to life. Nate finally reached the edge of the river and dove into the water.

"Crap, crap, crap, crap," Nate repeated as arrows and spears landed in the water around him. At last he grabbed onto the wing of the plane and pulled himself up.

"Go, Sully!"

"I'm on it, kid!"

The plane's nose lifted and the two men soared away from the screaming Hovito. Nate carefully moved himself into the open door and took a seat next to Sully in the cockpit.

"You smell like shit, Nate," Sully said as he lit up another cigar.

"No kidding," Drake panted as he leaned back in the seat and shut his eyes.

"So, what'd we get out of this trip?"

"It's nice to see you, too, by the way," Nate muttered.

"Well I just saved your ass and didn't get so much as a thank you."

"Alright, Sullivan," Nate said, straightening up in his chair. "Next time, you go into the jungle and navigate booby-traps with the backstabbing guides and I'll sit in the plane and smoke cigars."

"Fair enough, but please tell me we got something out of this trip."

"Well there are some authentic Hovito arrowheads and spears lodged into the wings of your plane. We might be able to get a decent price for those."

"Alright, smart-ass. So the idol wasn't there?"

"It was there, alright. But there were problems. I don't know if we're going to have another chance to get it."

"So we've got nothing?"

"Yup. We're coming up empty, again."

The two remained silent for a few seconds before Sully spoke again. "Listen, Nate. I may have a guy who can get us a job going after another artifact."

"Really? This isn't the same guy who was able to set us up with these trustworthy guides is it?"

"You gonna keep being a smart-ass or do you wanna hear about the job?"

"What's the artifact?"

"The Lost Ark of the Covenant."

"The Ark of the Covenant?" Drake laughed as the plane left the jungle behind them. "Now you're talking crazy, Sully."


End file.
